The Alex D. Sarmiento Experience

Voice Post

Fri, 15 May 2009 16:16:26 GMT

I'm sorry.

Fri, 01 May 2009 17:10:22 GMT

I'm sorry for the delays. It's been a rough few weeks. I've decided to shut down my Vox blog. It's not working. I'm thinking of creating a new blog. Plus, I want to use my old web site @ Tripod for a new purpose.

Sorry for the delay...

Mon, 13 Apr 2009 16:53:59 GMT

I have been very busy the past few weeks. Last week, I went on a spring break vacation to Toronto; it was my first time in a foreign country alone. Needless to say, while there were some disappointments, I had a good time and will consider going back to Toronto in the future.

I'm also thinking of closing down my "Je suis binoclard" blog. I don't think it's working.

Diet Pepsi and Grey Goose

Mon, 23 Mar 2009 19:18:32 GMT

Diet Pepsi and Grey Goose
I decided to take the confrontation scene between Joan and teenage Christina Crawford in the movie Mommie Dearest and make it more contemporary, imagining what would have happened if Joan Crawford was a big star in the 21st century.
http://www.associatedcontent.comarticle/1551483/diet_pepsi_and_grey_goose.html

What's on my iPod - Part 01: Podcast Madness

Thu, 19 Mar 2009 17:22:01 GMT

I have had three iPods since October 2006. The first one was a birthday present from my brother, a 30GB one. It lasted for two years before I dropped it by accident, and therefore killed it. I came into some financial aid around that time, so I decided to buy a new and bigger one: 120GB. That one lasted until February, when again an accidental drop killed it. After a few weeks of figuring out what to do with it, I went to my local Apple Store and within a week, I had my present iPod gratis. Granted, it is not a brand-new one but one made of previous parts, but it's still pretty damn cool.

I would like to take you on a tour of my iPod, highlighting my favorite podcasts, audiobooks, and music. Let's begin with some of my favorite podcasts:

BRINI MAXWELL: NPR TIPS FOR GRACIOUS LIVING & VIDEO PODCAST

feeds.feedburner.com/BriniMaxwell

Brini Maxwell, the alter ego of Ben Sander, is basically the drag queen version of Martha Stewart, but less of a bitch and more practical and entertaining. Hanging around her in nearly every episode is her friend Mary Ellen, who is a real bitch, to put it mildly. Brini's NPR podcast is five minutes of tips and techniques, and her video podcast shows footage from her late 1990s New York public access show.

FEAST OF FUN (formerly FEAST OF FOOLS)

feeds.feedburner.com/FeastofFools/everything

From Chicago, it's the Feast of Fools, though now it's known as Feast of Fun. I prefer the former. Fausto Fernos and Marc Filion, a gay couple, talk stuff about gay culture and mainstream pop culture in a fun and informative manner.

GLOBAL NATIONAL

www.globaltv.com/globaltv/national/index.html

This is the flagship news program from Canada's Global TV, and is one of the top news video podcasts on iTunes. I have a crush on Kevin Newman, who did time on ABC's Good Morning America a decade ago before heading back to the Great White North. Sadly, he's married.

IN THE LIFE

www.intelifetv.org

In The Life is the first nationally-available program by, for, and about lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgendered people. It used to air as a monthly one-hour program on PBS. Now, it's been reduced by half an hour. I really don't like the new format, though I still follow the show. When I watch the podcast, I fast-forward the intros by Michael Billy Bisogno. I actually was in the same room with him once, when he visited LYRIC in San Francisco back in the day. I heard about him beforehand. I saw him on 20/20 on a report of gay teens. I wanted to chat him up, as you will. We didn't even say two words to each other.

LUCKY BITCH RADIO

feeds.feedburner.com/LuckyBitchRadio

Wanda Wisdom, the alter ego of Bradley Traynor, is a "34-year-old single, sober, drag queen hostess with the mostess" from "Minneapolis, Minnesota, the heart of God's Country". Wanda is a drag queen living life one day at a time free of drugs and alcohol, and a lot of her show is devoted to her day-to-day life living clean. But it's also pretty damn fun!

THE STEPHANIE MILLER SHOW - DAILY BITS

www.stephaniemiller.com/

My favorite radio show is The Stephanie Miller Show, syndicated nationally on your local liberal talk radio. Stephanie Miller once had a late-night show in the mid 1990s, but it was canceled after only a few months. Since then, she has concentrated on radio, and has been a fixture on liberal talk radio since 2004. You can get the entire show on podcast, but I subscribe to the Daily Bits segments. There are three daily bits on each show: Right Wing World, which pokes fun at the neo-cons of the world; Stand-Up News, which covers other news; and Tinsel Talk, which discusses pop culture and entertainment news.

Je suis binoclard

Mon, 09 Mar 2009 18:10:07 GMT

I've taken my old blog at vox.com and revamped it. It's now a blog for French-language learners, and I call it "Je suis binoclard". That means "I'm a nerd" in French. If you want to see it, click on http://alexdssf.vox.com/. Thanks.

Rehash No. 05: LA Pride 2008 (a.k.a. It's too darn loud!)

Sun, 08 Mar 2009 22:35:36 GMT

From my old blog:

I am writing this in the middle of the night.

On Sunday, I attended the LA Pride parade and celebration in West Hollywood. The parade itself was pretty good, and I managed to get shots of most, if not all, of the contingents. But the celebration itself was an absolute nightmare. No, it wasn't the heat. No, it wasn't the congestion. It was the LOUD, THUMPING MUSIC. The celebration took place at a small community park in West Hollywood. There were four music stages (a main stage, a circuit stage, a R&B stage, and a country stage) all concentrated within steps of each other. I managed to get some free swag, but after three and a half hours, I just couldn't take it anymore. I had to leave. What was worse, was that across the street from the celebration, the nightclub RAGE was packed to the rafters with the same people and the same LOUD, THUMPING MUSIC.

I had no ill will towards the parade and celebration themselves. I do have to say, here and now, that I HATE LOUD, THUMPING MUSIC, especially if it's LOUD, THUMPING CIRCUIT PARTY MUSIC. Why the hell is the music turned up to deafening sounds at places like this? It's just sickening!

Will I return to West Hollywood for LA Pride in the future? I haven't ruled it out. But I'm bringing earplugs.

I'll be back in the Bay Area later today by plane.

Rehash No. 04: Hamburger Mary's is LOUD

Sun, 08 Mar 2009 22:32:08 GMT

From my old blog:

The highlights and low points of Saturday's activities:

1. VENICE BEACH - Okay, the musclemen were NOT out in force at the fenced-off Muscle Beach part. Still, it was a pretty good trip. The waves were crashing against the rocks, and I got some really good pictures. The strip along the beach was crowded. Henna tattoo stands were plentiful. I didn't know if we were still in Los Angeles or had been swept away to Marrakesh. I bought t-shirts for my mom and brother Paul, the latter of whom is celebrating his birthday on Monday.

2. HAMBURGER MARY'S IN WEHO - It was one of the worst restaurant experiences of my entire life. For one, the atmosphere is LOUD. I mean, really loud. You can't carry a normal conversation in a place where they play Britney Spears/Madonna/Gwen Stefani mash-ups on a continuous cycle. Second, after I was seated, it took them 15 fucking minutes to give me the menu. After I had ordered, I waited almost 20 minutes for my meal to come in. To put things in perspective, I could go to any bustling restaurant in the Castro and order, eat, and pay for my meal in less than 30 minutes! The rainbow dip, a mix of artichokes, spinach, and cheese, was really good, though. But I couldn't tuck into my Sloppy Mary and had to take a doggy bag. $25 I spent there. It wasn't worth it. What a fucking letdown!

3. CVS PHARMACY IN WEHO - In the San Francisco Bay Area, we don't have CVS Pharmacies. We have WALGREEN'S.

Well, that about wraps it up. I had an early night last night, and now, I'm going to head off to West Hollywood for the LA Pride parade and festival. My camera's nice and charged, and I will be back tomorrow to give you a full report, before I fly back to the Bay Area. Later!

Rehash No. 03: Win a free boob job!

Sun, 08 Mar 2009 22:29:40 GMT

From my old blog:

Yesterday, I wasn't able to check out Venice and its bevy of hot, ripped guys. I will do that today. But anyway, yesterday was spent checking out the Central Library downtown and West Hollywood.

First off: the Central Library. It is located in downtown Los Angeles, within walking distance of City Hall and the Disney Concert Hall, whose outer appearance reminded me of that episode of The Simpsons where Marge Simpson gets J. Paul Getty to create a new concert hall for Springfield, only to see it turn into a prison run by Mr. Burns. Back to the Central Library. It is HUGE. The library is one of the largest in the country, and certainly the largest that I have ever seen. They have a gorgeous rotunda there, and its inner walls are covered with a beautiful painting of the subjugation of the indigenous tribes of the Americas by the Spanish conquistadores. The painting is beautiful, the subjugation wasn't. The collection of books is astounding. They even have a huge swath of books in Armenian!

I didn't apply for a library card, though, which was disappointing. I don't think that there is a Netflix-like service for books. It'd be too expensive, I gather.

On to West Hollywood. It is quite a small city. It could fit into San Francisco an infinite number of times (and considering that the Castro is being more gentrified, we could use a few more gay communities). It is a lot more peaceful and charming than the Castro, but it has the same traffic problem. The main drag (no pun intended), Santa Monica Boulevard, is a bitch to get through. I stopped by Trader Joe's and picked up a few things for dinner. The great thing about staying at a hostel is that you have free access to the kitchen where you can cook whatever you want. I bought four-cheese macaroni/cheese and a flat-bread with caramelized onions and figs. I had the mac/cheese last night; the flat-bread can wait. I also saw the original A Different Light bookstore. It was slightly bigger than the one in San Francisco, and a little more complicated to navigate through.

I spent the rest of the night at the hostel, watching TV and listening to the iPod. The title of this entry comes from an ad that I read in this week's LA Weekly, similar to the San Francisco Bay Guardian. The ad was for an erotica convention at the LA Convention Center, a decidedly hetero-sexist event. As conventions go, there was a raffle advertised, and the winner of said raffle would get as a prize, a FREE BOOB JOB! And their name would be announced during the convention. That was the most ridiculous thing that I have ever seen in my life. For one, winning a boob job is embarrassing. Secondly, if word gets out that you won a BOOB JOB, it would be even more embarrassing. A free trip to the Playboy Mansion? Sure. A lifetime subscription to Hustler? Okay. A $1,000 gift certificate to Trashy Lingerie, where that woman on Oxygen's "Snapped" spent part of the insurance money that she acquired after hiring a hit-man to kill off her Hollywood producer husband? Fabulous. But a free BOOB JOB?! You got to be kidding me!

Tomorrow will be the big parade in West Hollywood, followed by the big festival.

Rehash No. 02: Hollywood! Hollywood! Ah, you get the rest.

Sun, 08 Mar 2009 22:26:53 GMT

From my former blog:

It's Friday, the 6th of June, 2008. I am reporting to you from the Hostelling International LA/Santa Monica, which is located a block away from the beach and a block away from the 3rd Street Promenade. This is what went down yesterday:

I left the house in Vallejo around 6am and took a taxi downtown. After that, I took the bus to the Amtrak bus depot, where the Amtrak bus picked me up around 7am. By 7:30, I was at the Amtrak station in Martinez. I had my bags checked and waited around. At 8:19am, the San Joaquin train pulled into the station, and soon I was on my way.

I had taken the Caltrain before, but the Amtrak was another story. For almost six hours, the train snaked through the vast wonderland of olive trees, farms, and endless plains of symmetrically-planted crops that made up the Central Valley. The train stopped in Stockton, Modesto (my brother Joshua's birthplace), Turlock/Denair, Madera, Fresno, Corcoran, Wasco, and finally, Bakersfield. The train ride was pleasant, but there was one significant drawback. I am the type of person who likes to listen to the radio no matter where I am. In the Central Valley, there was a major abundance of Christian, conservative radio stations. Eventually, I turned off my Walkman and listened to my iPod for the remainder of the train ride.

At Bakersfield, I expected to get my luggage on the same Amtrak bus that I would ride to Los Angeles. No. It was on ANOTHER bus. In any event, the bus left Bakersfield and drove through the mountains and hills of Kern County, and eventually, we ended up in LA-LA Land. I was giddy to be in the city, but I still wanted my luggage. If they lost it, I would have decked a bitch. That didn't happen, though. My luggage made it 15 minutes after I arrived on another Amtrak bus. I was a happy camper.

I wanted to check in immediately at the Santa Monica hostel, but I also wanted to hit HOLLYWOOD. HOLLYWOOD won out. I took the subway from Union Station, where I had made my LA debut, and got off at Hollywood/Highland. The subway is pretty good, I must say. A tad hot, but even the ones in San Francisco can get hot. Upon exiting the station at Hollywood/Highland, my mind was blown away. They say that you can't experience anything unless you actually experience it, or something like that. This was the Hollywood that I had read about, heard about, and seen in movies and television. Well, not exactly. They don't make movies here anymore. Nonetheless, it was amazing. I had my picture taken with a Keira Knightley-from-Pirates of the Caribbean impersonator. I saw the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Joanne Woodward was the first star to get a STAR on the Walk of Fame. Why the hell do Ryan Seacrest, Donald Trump, and Vince McMahon have Stars? Ryan's the biggest whore in Hollywood, Donald is an arrogant asshat, and Vince makes his living procuring and promoting fake wrestling and passing it off as "sports entertainment". I guess that answers my question.

I saw Grauman's Chinese Theatre, that place where Jimmy Kimmel films his chat show (it's not really broadcast live, don't you know - when I saw the theatre, there were people lining up to get inside), and the crown jewel known as the Kodak Theatre. I could not believe that this was the place where Oscar hung its hat, where five out of seven American Idols had been crowned (Ruben Studdard won at the Universal Amphitheatre, and Daughtry 2.0 won at the Nokia Theatre near the Staples Center), and where the entire pop culture universe was encapsulated.

After an hour, I took a wild bus ride (re: traffic-congested) to Santa Monica. I checked in around 7pm and was so tired that I couldn't even blog that night. I share a room with several other people. Five bunk beds. The mattresses are pretty resilient (re: tough). I took a shower, and that really made the difference. I went to the waterfront for a few minutes, and after that, I headed to Ye Olde King's Head Restaurant, just around the corner from the hostel. It was packed inside, so I had my dinner outside. Let me tell you: it was the best dinner that I had in years. For starters, I had two vegetarian samosas with mango chutney and mint yogurt. I actually put the mint yogurt on the SALAD! It didn't work. But it did on the samosas. They were crispy on the outside, yet filled with warm goodness. The mango chutney was SLAMMING! I never had mango chutney before. It blew me away.

For the main course, I tucked into shepherd's pie. I had made shepherd's pie before at the house, and it tasted good. The one at Ye Olde King's Head, however, was even better. The meat was flavorful, the potatoes were smooth, and the vegetables held their own. I washed them down with a Diet Coke. After the longest trip of my life, it was sweet validation of my decision to flee the family for a week.

I went to bed an hour after I got back from the restaurant. I wasn't disturbed the rest of the night. I woke up this morning having had the best sleep in years. Today, I plan on touring Venice, checking out the Central Library, and seeing West Hollywood. I'll check back with you tomorrow morning. :-)

Rehash No. 01

Sun, 08 Mar 2009 22:23:42 GMT

I have a blog on vox.com that I was operating before I decided to go with LiveJournal. I have decided to do something interesting with that one: I am going to use it to create a new blog focusing on one of my passions - foreign languages. You'll be hearing more about that later. Anyway, I'm going to erase most of the posts there, with the exception of posts that I did surrounding my vacation in Los Angeles last year, beginning with this:

Next Thursday, I will embark on my first trip apart from my family. I haven't had a vacation, or as the British term it: a "holiday", since 2000, when my parents, as a graduation present, dragged me to San fucking Diego for a week with relatives. Yeah, some present. This time, I am going to be in the Los Angeles area for Gay Pride Weekend (or Christopher Street West), from the 5th to 9th of June. I will be staying at the youth hostel in Santa Monica, and will be traveling to and from the LA area via Amtrak. It turns out that going by train, while taking a longer trip, is more sound on an economic level than flying. With a Student Advantage discount, I will only pay $49 for a one-way ticket, and only that. Airlines prices don't include various fees and shit. But I won't rule out taking a plane back to the Bay Area.

This will be my first time vacationing in the Los Angeles area since 1988, when my parents took me and my brothers to Disneyland. Aside from attending the Gay Pride Parade and Festival in West Hollywood and touring West Hollywood itself, I want to hit the following sights in my four to five-day sojourn:

01) Santa Monica Pier

02) 3rd Street Promenade

03) Muscle Beach

04) Grauman's Chinese Theatre

05) Kodak Theatre

06) The Hollywood Walk of Fame

07) Melrose Place (I want to make sure that the Melrose Place in question is similar to the one that was dramatized in that great 1990s trashy primetime soap opera; i.e. a pool in the center)

08) Hamburger Mary's

09) Joan Crawford's house in Brentwood

10) Beverly Hills (is it still like it was on Beverly Hills 90210?)

Okay, so I want to hit all the "touristy" spots. Can you blame me? I want this vacation to be a great success. As I grow older, I'm not going to have many opportunities to go out and see the world, so now is the optimal time. I may run into a celebrity or two. I am not sure how I am going to handle the hustle and bustle of the Los Angeles metropolitan area. One thing is for certain; it will certainly be an experiece that I will never forget.

The 13 Finalists of America's Next Top... I mean American Idol

Fri, 06 Mar 2009 05:33:16 GMT

And now, the 13 finalists (yes, this year there is 13 finalists thanks to a last-minute change that I saw coming) of American Idol 2009:

The ladies of Idol 2009

Alison IRAHETA

Megan Joy CORKREY

Alexis Grace MIDDLETON

Jasmine MURRAY

Lillian ROUNDS

The gentlemen of Idol 2009

Kris ALLEN

Anoop DESAI

Matt GIRAUD

Daniel GOKEY

Adam LAMBERT

Scott MACINTYRE

Jorge NUNEZ MENDEZ

Jeremy Michael SARVER

I assume that at some point, there will be a double elimination in the finals. While I have some fundamental disagreements with the makeup of the final 13, I will at least be watching the shows, unlike last season which was simply abhorrent. Alas, Tatiana del Toro fell short one last time in the wild-card round, despite singing way better than those who did make the cut AND bringing back the Tatiana that we know and love. The only way that her psychic friend's prediction will hold true is if someone withdraws or gets kicked out and the producers realize that Tatiana IS American Idol.

My favorite of the 13 finalists is Adam Lambert. We need a gay guy to win this sucker. I despise that fat fuck Jeremy Michael Sarver and that wife-killer Daniel Gokey. The remaining 10 are decent if somewhat uninspiring. Still, it's a better line-up than last year.

Note that for only the second time in American Idol history, there is not one male African-American singer in the finals. Ju'Not Joyner did very well in his semifinal performance, and should have been given a wild-card spot, but perhaps his off-the-cuff mention of getting a cortisone shot in the ass cost him. Only five people of color made the finals: Lillian (Lil), Jasmine, Allison, Jorge, and Anoop.

Voice Post

Fri, 27 Feb 2009 00:36:55 GMT

Why I Hate Hip-Hop

Mon, 23 Feb 2009 17:21:40 GMT

I recently said on Facebook that I hate hip-hop. I want to clarify that, collectively, I hate hip-hop. There are some artists and songs in the hip-hop oeuvre that I like and play repeatedly on my iPod, but in general I avoid them like the plague. Why?

Reason 01: Some of hip-hop's most famous personalities are a bunch of arrogant, self-congratulatory, ego-stroking cunts. Kanye West, Jay-Z, Beyonce (that fucking Diana Ross-wannabe white bitch), Eminem (that fucking homophobic white bitch), 50 Cent (he got shot nine times - and one of the should have took), Dr. Dre, Puff Daddy/Diddy/P. Diddy/Sean John, T.I. (hope you enjoy prison, bitch), Lil Wayne, Sean Kingston (bitch can't sing or rap), etc. I fucking hate that bitch Kanye West so much that my hate has expanded to include his minions John Legend and Estelle. Frankly, hip-hop would be better suited without these fucking assholes.

Reason 02: I wasn't exposed to contemporary hip-hop until I moved to San Francisco in 1994. It was the music of everyone that I attended school with... but it wasn't mine. I got bullied a lot in middle school, and the music of the bullies was hip-hop. It may sound ridiculous, but to me, hip-hop = bullying. I have never been able to overcome the bullying that I received in school, and I have never been a true fan of hip-hop.

Reason 03: The swagger, the bling-bling, the posturing... it doesn't appeal to me. It frankly pisses me off. It's not cute, it's not clever, it's not hip... it's bullshit. And I say that as someone who grew up in an urban area and was familiar with all the hip-hop culture that permeated and still permeates life in the Bay Area.

I do like some hip-hop and hip-hop-adjacent music and personalities, namely Mary J. Blige, Alicia Keys, and old-school hip-hop such as what Queen Latifah used to do. But today, hip-hop has become something so gross that I shudder to listen to it. It doesn't speak for me. It never has. It never will.

Tyra Banks needs to shut the fuck up.

Fri, 20 Feb 2009 17:36:05 GMT

I admit that I am a fan of America's Next Top Model. I am NOT, however, a fan of Tyra Banks. The onetime supermodel can put on a good show, but she in all truth is one fucked up bitch. It's downright deplorable when the foreign franchises of ANTM have more successes in creating legitimate top models for their respective markets than the original. A lot of that is due to Tyra; she says that she is looking to revive the supermodel in American culture, but in 11 cycles, she has yet to show us one person who has been able to become a legitimate force in the modeling industry. Elyse Sewell, 3rd in the inaugural cycle in summer 2003, has had the most success of all the ANTM veterans. But not in the USA; her success has been in the relatively small but growing Asian markets.

I don't like her talk show. It seems that Tyra is trying to be the next Oprah, and has gone to extraordinary lengths to model her show and philanthropic activities after her. I'm surprised that she hasn't created a school for disenfranchised girls in Angola or somewhere like that. How does one say "fierce" in Portuguese? Anyway, Tyra likes to talk about HER and what SHE HERSELF has gone through. Even when she was interviewing Janet Jackson, Tyra saw fit to turn the discussion around and focus on TY-TY.

One other thing that annoys me is her rather patronizing view of gays. I'm sure that she likes to fancy herself as an ally (and it was noble of her to foot the bill for Cycle 11 finalist Isis King's surgery to make her the woman she wanted to be), but in practice she doesn't seem to be that understanding. In her world, gays are fierce creatures who make her look good at the expense of themselves. When is Mr. Jay Manuel going to get his due? When is Miss J. Alexander going to get hers? Sutan? Christian Marc? Danilo? Anyone? She doesn't seem to understand that not all gays are snappy, feisty, fierce creatures.

She recently had a bunch of self-loathing gays on her show, some of whom were planning to go "hetero". Now, i admit that I am a self-loathing person, but my sexuality in and of itself has little to do with it. My self-loathing has more to do with the fact that sometimes I don't think I am good enough for anyone or anything. I was self-loathing before I had any sophisticated knowledge of sex and sexuality. And yes, there are days when I hate being gay. But would I go the hetero route? Absolutely not.

Is that all that Tyra thinks there is to gays? Either we're flaming queens or we're self-loathing faggots in her eyes. Tyra has never shown a positive portrayal of gay people who are none of those things. Has she ever interviewed hot gay guys who are not flaming queens? No. The closest that she ever did was a roundtable discussion with straight men who do gay porn, which was ridiculous in and of itself. She has never done anything with lipstick lesbians. Or even bisexuals. Tyra, for all her gay-friendliness, may possibly be one of the most gay-ignorant people on the face of the earth.

Inspired by Television Without Pity... Thread Names for the Idol Contestants (updated each week)

Thu, 19 Feb 2009 18:19:46 GMT

SEMIFINAL HEAT 01

Ann Marie Boskovich - Sara Bareilles Will Cut You, Bitch
Ricky Braddy - 30 Million People Watching... and They Could Care Less
Casey Carlson - Every Little Thing She Did Was Bullshit
Tatiana del Toro - Charisma. Uniqueness. Nerve. Talent.
Anoop Desai - Blue Devil Idol
Stephen Fowler - Line?
Danny Gokey - McGokey and Dead Wife (or, The Thread for Danny Gokey and His Dead Wife, His Creepy Best Friend, and His Cult)
Alexis Grace - Blondes with Pink Streaks in Their Hair Have More Fun
Michael Sarver - Idol Gotta Get a Roughneck
Brent Keith Smith - Spencer Flat
Jackie Tohn - She Brought Down the Window Screen, If Not the House
Stevie Wright - Under-joyed

SEMIFINAL HEAT 02

Kris Allen
Matt Breitzke
Megan Corkrey
Matt Giraud
Mishavonna Henson
Alison Iraheta
Kai Kalama
Adam Lambert
Jesse Langseth
Nick Mitchell
Jasmine Murray
Jeanine Vailes

SEMIFINAL HEAT 03

Arianna Afsar
Felicia Barton
Kendall Beard
Ju'Not Joyner
Scott MacIntyre
Nathaniel Marshall
Kristen McNamara
Jorge Nunez
Lil Rounds
Von Smith
Taylor Vaifanua
Alex Wagner-Trugman

IS ANYONE EVEN VISITING MY GODDAMN BLOG?

Thu, 19 Feb 2009 18:01:09 GMT

I've only had one comment in the six, seven months or so that I've been running this goddamn blog. Why haven't you all visited? What do I need to do to keep your interest up? I can't keep posting YouTube favorites and talk about American Idol all the time.

I'm really frustrated with school. I can't seem to get enough time to study. Yesterday, I was embarrassed THREE FUCKING TIMES in my Beginning Acting class. For one, I could not get the hang of the acting exercise that my teacher, Gloria Weinstock, gave us: say the words "You know, we've been together almost five years" with variations in subtext. Secondly, after a fellow student asked what our subtexts were (we were not allowed to give them out), I muttered to myself, "N.O.Y.D.B." And Ms. Weinstock called me out on it. Thirdly, she said that my class journal was not in the right format. She was right about the last one, but I still felt stupid.

Voice Post: On AMERICAN IDOL, Semifinals, Heat 01, Results Show - Part 02

Thu, 19 Feb 2009 05:46:20 GMT

Voice Post: On AMERICAN IDOL, Semifinals, Heat 01 Results Show - Part 01

Thu, 19 Feb 2009 05:36:02 GMT

Fuck Straight White Christian Men

Fri, 13 Feb 2009 18:58:47 GMT

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Goodbye and good riddance, Joanna Pacitti.

Thu, 12 Feb 2009 18:34:42 GMT

Last night, the 36 semifinalists of American Idol 2009 were announced to the world. The spoiler that I discussed last week, it was true all along. This is surely going to be a better season than in years past.

There are 18 men and 18 women in the field, and the semifinal heats will be balanced in terms of gender. For instance:

Heat 01

MEN: Ricky Braddy, Anoop Desai, Stephen Fowler, Danny Gokey, Jeremy Michael Sarver, and Brent Keith Smith

WOMEN: Anne Marie Boskovich, Casey Carlson, Tatiana Nicole del Toro, Alexis Grace, Jackie Tohn, and Stevie Wright

The top men's spot should come down to Anoop Desai and Danny Gokey, with Danny just edging out the anti-Sanjaya. On the women's side, it's a toss-up among Anne Marie Boskovich, Tatiana Nicole del Toro, and Jackie Tohn. Based on talent, I think that Jackie stands the best chance, but one can never count out Tatiana (the most controversial contestant in Idol history) or Anne Marie.

Possible spoilers: on the men's side, we have the two country boys Jeremy Michael Sarver and Brent Keith Smith. Idol already has its marketable female country singer in Carrie Underwood; perhaps they may be underplaying both men's chances and we could be in for a surprise next week. Of the remaining three women, Alexis Grace could steal the show.

I'm not sure about the chances of Ricky Braddy (whom we've yet to see), Stephen Fowler (who nearly ruined his chances by walking out of a performance of David Cook's coronation song from last year), Casey Carlson, and Stevie Wright. But you never know.

Only the top man and top woman, plus the next best contestant regardless of gender, will advance to the finals from each heat. The rest will have to hope that their performances hold up for wild card consideration.

But Joanna Pacitti will not be one of them. 12 hours after the 36 semifinalists were announced, I found out that Joanna, who has been in and around the entertainment industry for years waiting for the other shoe to drop, has been DISQUALIFIED due to links with 19 Entertainment, one of the forces behind American Idol. Joanna has blown the biggest opportunity of her life, and as a result, Felicia Barton, one of the casualties of last night's episode, has replaced her in the competition.

UPDATE: The producers of American Idol have moved Jeremy Michael Sarver into one of the remaining two semifinal heats. Matt Breitzke will take over his spot for next week's first semifinal heat. Why? With two country-ish male artists in the heat, there was a big chance that the vote could be split. I knew that the producers were favoring the male Carrie Underwoods this year. As for Matt? I don't expect him to stand out, but you never know.

The rest of the alleged American Idol 2008 semifinalists

Sun, 08 Feb 2009 02:16:32 GMT

KENDALL BEARD - I only saw a few seconds of her audition in Puerto Rico. She'll most likely be the most successful blonde whore from this year's lot. Unlike last year, the blonde whores have been kept to a minimum. Now, the brunette whores are key players. Could 2010 be the year of the redhead whores?

KRIS ALLEN - Only a few seconds of his audition in Louisville were shown. I have a feeling that the producers may be saving him for something big, a la Elliott Yamin and LaToya London. Or someone like him. The brunette whores this year are not just the girls.

KRISTEN MCNAMARA - Here's our lone San Francisco Bay Area resident in the semifinals (she's from Napa). In the most recent episode, she was teamed with Nancy Wilson (no, not those Nancy Wilsons) and Nathaniel Marshall (more on him in a moment), and caused lots of drama. When she and Nathaniel were spared and Nancy wasn't, Nancy let her have it.

LIL ROUNDS - So far, the producers are pimping her as the girl to beat. She does have a great voice and a nice personality. I could see her either winning or being in the top six at worst. I hope that she can distinguish herself enough from the other African-American female singers who have been a significant force in this contest from the beginning.

MATT BREITZKE - Some welder dude from Oklahoma. I'm surprised he's still in the running.

MATT GIRAUD - Piano-playing male brunette whore who could be a spoiler, or could be eliminated early.

MEGAN CORKREY - Divorced, single mom from Utah who auditioned in Salt Lake City. That's all the notes that I have on her.

JEREMY MICHAEL SARVER - Decent voice, nice guy, family guy... bland. But since Idol hasn't had a male Carrie Underwood...

MISHAVONNA HENSON - I have no idea who she is. She could either be the winner by May or be ousted this month.

NATHANIEL MARSHALL - He was virtually absent in the audition episodes, but since the callback episodes began airing this past week, he has been a featured player. He does have a solid, capable singing voice, but he is possibly the most emotional male wreck in American Idol history. If he lasts long enough, he could be the "Sanjaya" of this contest or possibly a legitimate contender for the crown.

NICK "NORMAN GENTLE" MITCHELL - Nick auditioned in New York City, and brought along his campy alter ego "Norman Gentle". To the shock of Simon Cowell, and most everyone else, Nick got a golden ticket to the callbacks. They thought that he would be gone in the first round, a la that crazy David dude from the 2005 season. When this list made the Internet rounds, there was one questionable entry: a guy named Nick. Was it a black dude named Nick Hendrix? Was it some guy whose real name was Dominick? It turns out... that Norman Gentle was the guy. He should make for an interesting competition.

RICKY BRADDY - I don't know who he is, but I can't underestimate him.

SCOTT MACINTYRE - The piano-playing composer is the first American Idol semifinalist with a physical disability: he is legally blind. He has done well so far, so I'm interested in what he can bring to the show.

STEPHEN FOWLER - Since Ruben Studdard won in 2003, Idol hasn't had that many male R&B singers in serious contention. I'm not holding out much hope for Stephen, but who knows?

STEVIE WRIGHT - Some girl named after Stevie Nicks.

TATIANA DEL TORO - Okay, this girl is something else. What can one say about Puerto Rico's Tatiana Nicole del Toro... that hasn't been said? She's a competent vocalist, and you can't say that she isn't a fighter. Already, some people have called her the worst reality-show contestant in television history, no thanks to an incident in the callbacks where she nearly brought down TWO groups. She is either the strangest woman that Idol has ever encountered, or the smartest contestant ever. You will have to stay tuned.

TAYLOR VAIFANUA - Samoan Mormon princess from Utah who looks like Jordin Sparks. I'm sick of her already, which means we won't be rid of her for at least two months.

VON SMITH - Two years ago, he appeared on "The View" and sang "And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going" as a relative unknown. Now, he's the biggest screaming queen (literally and figuratively) in Idol history. Either he will be a significant player in the contest, or he will piss off so many people that he'll be out of the contest in one fell swoop.

And there you have it - 36 alleged Idol semifinalists for 2009.

Could someone PLEASE get Mr. and Miss J to sissify and turn these bitches out?

Thu, 05 Feb 2009 18:09:26 GMT

This is the alleged crop of semifinalists for this year's American Idol. The results will be announced next Wednesday, during the notorious Chair episode (taped last month as the regional auditions were being screened). Note that, unlike in seasons 4 to 7, there is no guys vs. girls matchup, nor will the lowest-polled men and women be forced out of the running. Instead, these 36 will be divided into 3 groups of 12. The man and woman with the highest number of votes in each heat will advance to the finals, with the next highest-voted contestant (irrespective of gender) joining them. They're also bringing back the Wildcard round, and this time the judges will have the final say.

As you know, I tried out for this season. I made it as far as the producer round (the one before the actual confrontation with the judges). Of these 36, I recognize only one from my regional audition: Kai Kalama, even though we never actually met and I didn't even know who the hell he was at the time. There is a lot more diversity and personality in this bunch than there have been in previous seasons. Based on what I've seen, Lil Rounds and Adam Lambert are the ones to beat. But it's still an open competition, and the new semifinal format means that even the most pimped of contestants may have a hard time to make it out of their heats - unless the producers stack the field. And that's probably going to happen, but one can hope that the contest is fair to all concerned.

Having said that, while there are a bevy of guys who have capabilities of being "fuckable", collectively, this lot needs to be sissified and turned out. Whoever is doing their makeup, hair, and wardrobe stylings should be taken into a back alley and gang raped. When the semifinals come around, I hope to see these bitches turned out big time.

Here are some notes on this year's 36 semifinalists:

ADAM LAMBERT - I've seen video of him performing on YouTube. He's quite the showman, and Idol hasn't had a showman EVER. On top of that, he has a great voice. He looks like last year's winner David Cook, only fitter and more aesthetically pleasing. I think that in the semifinals, he will unleash his showman magic on the world.

ALEX WAGNER-TRUGMAN - One of many contestants with double-barrel surnames this year, I don't remember much about him, other than he taught himself to sing while in the closet. Seriously.

ALEXIS GRACE - Isn't her boyfriend in Iraq or something?

ALLISON IRAHETA - Two years ago, she won Telemundo's one-off tween talent show "Quinceanera". She is the second reality-show winner to make the jump to Idol, the first being "Monique's Fat Chance" 2005 winner and 2008 Idol semifinalist Joanne Borgella.

ANNE MARIE BOSKOVICH - In her Jacksonville audition, she had to audition twice in front of the judges, the second time after being given a sort-of make-over to make her look like a STAR. She'll likely make the finals.

ANOOP DESAI - He's the anti-Sanjaya who studied barbecue at UNC.

ARIANNA AFSAR - She likes to hang out with old people.

BRENT KEITH SMITH - Once again, we have a refugee from another competitive reality show. He was a finalist on Nashville Star. Coincidentally, Idol veterans Melissa Howard (2005 season) and Coffey Anderson (2003 season) competed in the most recent edition of Nashville Star, with Melissa winning.

CASEY CARLSON - Some hot girl with an okay voice. At least it's not that Bikini Whore Katrina Darrell.

DANNY GOKEY - Or, as Idol has been putting it, "Danny Gokey and His Dead Wife".

JACKIE TOHN - At her New York regional audition, she brought the house down. Well, a window screen anyways.

JASMINE MURRAY - Simon Cowell called her "commercial". She was teamed up with, of all people, Bikini Whore Katrina Darrell, and she ended up being the lone survivor in her callback group performance.

JEANINE VAILES - So far, she's the only one who I have yet to see perform.

JESSE LANGSETH - I saw her perform in the callback group performance round, and she sounded good.

JOANNA PACITTI - Here now is the Carly Smithson of 2009. That is all you need to now.

JORGE NUNEZ MENDEZ - The regionals in San Juan, Puerto Rico unearthed 9 winners from both Puerto Rico and the mainland. Jorge was one of the former. He and Tatiana del Toro (more on her later) are the first contestants from outside the 50 states to make the semifinal round on American Idol. Jorge has had trouble singing in English, but he seems to have gotten better.

JU'NOT JOYNER - He tried out last year, and made it to the Hollywood callbacks.

KAI KALAMA - Other than the fact that he's been taking care of his sick mother, there isn't much to say about him.

Tomorrow, my takes on the rest of the alleged 36 American Idol semifinalists.

Some more YouTube favorites

Tue, 03 Feb 2009 18:59:24 GMT

Okay, people. I know that I haven't been posting as much as I would like. I WOULD LIKE to keep posting, but LIFE and SHIT happens. To that end, here are some more of my YouTube favorites. Enjoy.

Oh, and Vincent Vasquez is still a fuckface, Rissah Vasquez is still a whore, Misty Vandenburgh is still a fucking cunt, and I STILL HATE THAT BITCH YURI BECKELMAN.

01) Eat your vegetables.

02) Mrs. Slocombe (from "Are You Being Served?") and her bons mots about her pussy.

03) Oops. I'm surprised that her husband didn't file for divorce on the spot.

04) Drew Carey sucks as the new host of "The Price Is Right". But some lucky girl won one million dollars in ten seconds.

05) Bob Barker is indispensable to American culture. This girl, however, seems to have dispensed her brain in the studio lobby trash can.

06) Family Guy meets Sue "What the FUCK are you doing?" Simmons.

07) Even David Letterman has fun with Sue Simmons.

08) Sinitta fucked Simon Cowell back in the day, and as a result she scored some hits on the British singles chart, such as "Toy Boy". Obviously, this song was not released in the USA.

Fuck Mormons

Thu, 29 Jan 2009 05:07:06 GMT

FUCK MORMONS
FUCK MORMONS
FUCK, FUCK, FUCK MORMONS

FUCK MORMONS
FUCK MORMONS
FUCK. FUCK, FUCK MORMONS

FUCK MORMONS
FUCK MORMONS
FUCK, FUCK, FUCK MORMONS

FUCK MORMONS
FUCK MORMONS
FUCK, FUCK, FUCK MORMONS

FUCK MORMONS
FUCK MORMONS
FUCK, FUCK, FUCK MORMONS

FUCK MORMONS
FUCK MORMONS
FUCK, FUCK, FUCK MORMONS

FUCK MORMONS
FUCK MORMONS
FUCK, FUCK, FUCK MORMONS

FUCK MORMONS
FUCK MORMONS
FUCK, FUCK, FUCK MORMONS

(typed after watching American Idol's Salt Lake City regional audition episode, and still hurting from the passage of Proposition 8)