Miss America, that once-beloved institution, is back this month. Last year, the pageant received a massive makeover (or make-under) to make it more current and relevant, without losing the classic touches of Miss America. It seemed to be going in the right direction... until Michigan's Kirsten Haglund was the winner. We saw virtually nothing of her in the lead-up to the finals, a show called "Miss America: Reality Check", and on the night of the finals, she basically threw everything that she had learned on MARC out of the window. Everything about her would have worked 25 or 30 years ago, but not in 2008. And yet, she became Miss America.

With 52 young women vying to succeed Ms. Haglund this time around, I'm planning on following the pageant again. If you ask me, what Miss America needs to do is shake up EVERYTHING at the local, regional, and state levels. The organizers at those levels still believe that the ideal Miss America is a pure, virginal, bland, blonde/brunette whore who will not rock the boat. Miss America need not be a model of virtue and chastity, but she shouldn't be a Stupid Spoiled Whore either.

One of the hallmarks of any pageant is the Q&A segment, or interview segment. This is the true litmus test of any beauty pageant. It's not enough to have a pretty face or a killer catwalk. You need to show that underneath the makeup and sequins, there is a real person. You are competing for a job that requires you to speak and to interact with people. Unfortunately, the interview segment has provided us with some of pageant history's most dubious achievements, the most legendary being Lauren Caitlin Upton's historic blunder at the Miss Teen USA finals in 2007. Ah, those were the days.

I've compiled a list of questions that should be asked in the interview segment. These range from topical ones to, well, really interesting ones, to say the least.

1. Are white people evil?
2. What have you lost in preparing for this pageant, that you would like to have back?
3. What is the one thing that you hate the most about your country?
4. Recently, a transgendered male made headlines when he became pregnant and delivered a baby to term. What do you make of this?
5. Is there life after death?
6. How would you react if you found out that a family member or a friend was gay?
7. Can a woman not be a virgin and still be virtuous?
8. In recent years, some women have reclaimed the word "bitch" as a positive attribute. Do you consider yourself a bitch?
9. Some pageants are placing little emphasis on interview skills and personality these days, and more emphasis on physical beauty and marketability. Is this wrong?
10. Does size matter?